The Messy Middle
Embracing Liminal Spaces.
I am sure that I had read or heard the word “liminal” somewhere in my life, but it wasn’t until listening to and reading works by Chip Conley (1) that the word really began to take on a life for me. The “messy middle,” as Chip defined it, really resonated with me... I was smack dab in the messy middle of more than one part of my life!
We tend to divide our lives into areas around “personal” life and “work” life however those are false dichotomies. There are many of us who have lived in this dichotomy for years and a great deal of our societal constructs encourage that division, however I believe that it is a misleading construct and a destructive one at that. We are one person. If we are living multiple “lives” then we are always in a state of dissonance – we may not perceive it at a cognitive level of awareness however our deepest self knows it, our bodies know it, and we pay a price for that duality. And many times, our friends, colleagues, and family know it too - although they may be the ones served by some of that very duality.
The concept of a life journey is as old as mankind most likely and is the foundation of much of the best literature across the centuries. Reading a great story or watching a movie about someone navigating their life journey is a very different thing than being the one to undertake the challenges! What is the journey? Where is it going? How do I know what direction to take? Why would I change? And the questions go on…but if you feel that nagging sense that some part of your life is not in alignment, things feel like Groundhog Day in your life, or you feel that you are not authentic and congruent with “who you really are” then that need to get on the path of your journey is calling. And it doesn’t matter if you start with a focus on the personal life aspects or the professional life side, if you stay on a path of growth long enough it will become a single journey – you will naturally seek a path that brings all of you into alignment – into resonance.
When, in this journey, does one encounter the messy middle? It may sound cliché, but you will know when you are in it! And you will be in it a few times. The journey is not ever linear and is probably better described as rather circuitous and some would say, tortuous! It starts and stops. And it has many, many doorways…. thresholds….and liminal spaces. It is in these liminal spaces that we get to the real work. There is a saying “you can’t have the lotus without the mud” that is attributed to Buddhist teachings, and it is exactly that mud which we are in when in the messy middle. The mud is where the nutrients are for growth. The decay of old and breaking down habits. The process of composting all the experiences lived that allows the separation of what is key to keep and will assist as we grow the roots of our more aligned self.
A seedling that is growing in the rich nutrients of the compost, in the messy middle, must follow all the phases of growth - there is no skipping ahead. No shortcuts. We are all creatures of nature and the same applies to us, we must allow ourselves to go through the necessary phases of developing awareness, insight, knowing and so much more. In this work, our roots will grow much deeper to serve as our anchors and that allows our awareness to finally grow upwards to break through the proverbial soil or water line. More phases of growth and development lie ahead to experience but with the solid root structure keeping us grounded, nourished and sustained with the flow of energy needed for the ongoing journey.
In these liminal spaces or messy middles we do not need to be alone. Rather, we need a full community of support. Humans are not meant to be singular creatures, we have evolved to our current level because of community dynamics. Finding “your tribe” is not always easy and many times those currently in our close friend or family group are not able to be our guides to growth. Our journey might actually unsettle them and bring a sense of discomfort which may lead them to encourage you, or pressure you, to cease the travels. If that is happening, it is your surest indicator that you are actually on the right path! Our journey is not about others. We can and will find our community along the path. There will be people we meet who have major impacts on our awareness - people who help open us to new insights which are tremendously powerful. We just have to be open to them!
So perhaps it is time….time to get quiet and still…..time to take some deep and opening breaths….time to turn inward….time to feel what you are actually trying not to feel….and time to start on the path. It is time to get to work and time to get messy. We have some mud to work our way through. We need to anchor those roots then uncover the authentic, resonating force of nature which is the one, and only, you. It is time to be you!